Really Sad

I'm very sad tonight. I woke up this morning sick with a fever and many icky symptoms and I just have to say that when I was smoking feeling sick was evidently just a way of life. Now that I don't smoke getting sick is a whole other awful world and I hate it.

I stayed home because I couldn't be vertical and functional even though I can't afford time away from my desk. During one of my lucid moments I went to the living room for more yarn and snagged the mouse's cage for feeding/attention/love.

Our mouse was dead. :( Her name was Louise and she'd gotten mega vet care recently after ripping her ear somehow in her habitat. We'd administered antibiotics and continued lots of hands on handling but she's gone and it makes me so sad and afraid that I should have done more. She was fine yesterday, ran into my hand and up my shirt and we talked in that she squeaked and I made appropriate noises back and we had mousie love.

I hate losing a pet. In fact I live in fear of my old cat dying, she's 11 and hugely overweight and the light of my life. When she dies I will be using vacation time because I know I won't be able to go to work and act as if just a cat has gone elsewhere. Honestly, I'll be postal and imagine my doctor will prescribe nerve thingees and recommend counseling. I look at her alive and sleepy here, imagine her moving on and it makes me cry. Ick.